Oh, you heard that?

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. - Proverbs 29:11

In my younger days I had my share of foolish times. I'm not saying it doesn't still happen in my older days, but hopefully much less often. During some of those foolish times I was able to "give full vent to my anger" in private; however, I sometimes wasn't as alone as I thought.

Many, many years ago I had a terrible cell phone. Well, the phone was OK; however, the battery wouldn't stay secure and would sometimes come loose in the middle of a call. And since there wasn't power, I would lose the connection.

One time this happened I was in the middle of leaving a voicemail for a friend. I was telling her I was on my way to pick her up for lunch when I heard the call disconnect. I looked at the phone in disgust, threw it on the passenger floorboard of my car, and vented my frustrations with a barrage of obscenities aimed at the phone. Never has an inanimate object been the subject of such a scolding.

A few minutes later I was picking up the friend. She asked me why was I screaming obscenities in the voicemail. I said, "Oh, you heard that?" Apparently, the call didn't really disconnect and she heard every word. So yes, she did hear that.

And she thought it was so funny she replayed the message for all of her coworkers. Repeatedly.

Mysterious ways

They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. I guess that's another way of saying that we don't always know or understand what His plan for us is. Trust me, there's a lot I don't understand. :) (And no, I don't know who they are, but they sure do say a lot.)

My parents wanted three kids. That was their plan. First, they had my brother Richard. A few years later, when my dad was stationed in England, they had my brother Robert. I never got the chance to meet Robert because after a little more than a month, he passed away from fluid on the lungs. A couple of years later, when dad was stationed in his final stop of Texas, they had my sister Teresa.

Again, my parents had planned on three kids. So a couple of years later they tried again. And they had twins. Since I am the younger twin, my incredibly handsome brother Ron has always maintained that they didn't actually want me. My rebuttal has been that it was a shame then that I turned out the best. (No, that's not really true, but it's the only rebuttal I have.)

I would never claim that having Ron and me was a blessing in disguise, because there is plenty of evidence to the contrary, but I think about my brother Robert when I'm confused about the paths my own life has taken. Sometimes we just have to trust that there's a bigger plan for each of us.

You're a better man than I am!

Over the years I've received my share of compliments. Of course, I've also received my share of insults and criticisms, but that's not important. As for the compliments, there was one that surprised me more than usual.

The MS150 is a 150 mile (or more) bike ride in various cities in which the proceeds from donations benefit the National MS Society. The Houston to Austin MS150 is around 170 miles over two days, with an overnight stay in La Grange. The first day is around 100 miles of mostly flat riding. The second day is around 70 miles and goes through Bastrop and Buescher State Parks. This part of the ride also has a few more hills in it.

None of the hills are difficult for the professional or frequent riders, but a lot of the people riding the MS150 are neither professional nor frequent riders, including me. So, on some of the steeper hills people would have to walk their bikes to the top and catch their breath. The really difficult hills would have many, many people sitting at the top resting and catching their breath.

I've ridden the MS150 four times, but I only finished it three times. The first year I had the flu and had to drop out after 80 miles (detailed here). My second year I was determined to finish it. Plus, to make up for not finishing the year before I gave myself an additional goal of not having to walk my bike up any of the hills.

On that second day during the hilly section most of the hills weren't a problem. As I was riding I saw the steepest hill of the ride coming up. I could see several people walking their bikes up the hill, so I accelerated to get some momentum. About halfway up the hill my pace slowed considerably, almost to a stop. I stood in the saddle and forced my legs to keep peddling. A few agonizing moments later and I reached the top. I sat down in the saddle and exhaled in relief.

Unbeknownst to me, some people resting at the top had been watching me battle my way to the top. When I got there, there was a few congratulations yelled in my direction. However, one of them caught me off guard.

After it got quiet, a woman yelled at me, "You're a better man than I am!"

No woman had ever said that to me before (or since), so I wasn't quite sure how to respond. With a confused look, I gave the only response I could think of:

"Uh, thanks?"

The Big Picture

Robert Fulghum is the author of the bestselling book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, which is one of my favorite books. The followup book, It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It, was also very good. In that book, he told the following story:

A traveler went to Chartres in France to see the great church that was being built there. He arrived at the site just as the workmen were leaving for home. He asked a man, covered with dust, what he did there. The man replied that he was a stonemason. Another man, when asked, said he was a glassblower, who made slabs of colored glass. Another said he was a blacksmith who pounded iron.

Wandering inside the unfinished edifice, the traveler came upon an older woman, armed with a broom, sweeping up the stone chips, wood shavings and glass shards from the day's work. "What are you doing?" he asked. The woman leaned on her broom, looked toward the high arches and replied, "Me? I'm building a cathedral for the glory of God."

Now there was a woman who knew how to look at the big picture.

Some recent events at my job reminded me of this story. I work for a computer company testing software. My job is to make sure the product does what it's supposed to do and that the quality is good enough for our customers.

With the current economy people are worried about their jobs and hope they rank high in their department. Managers are always trying to measure employees, and for QA people one of the common measurements is the number of defects found during testing. It's not a foolproof measurement, but it's a tangible one that gets used a lot.

A coworker mentioned to me that his manager was disappointed that another group found a defect in his product instead of him. Of course, there's many valid reasons for this: 1) that set of testing wasn't his responsibility, 2) that defect wasn't there when he tested it and was just recently introduced, or 3) the other group had the resources to test it and his group didn't. His concern was that his ranking would be lower because he wasn't the one that found the defect.

To me, it's a shame that he has to worry about that. I'm not saying it's not a valid concern because I'm sure his manager will use this in his ranking. However, we should be happy that the defect was even found before the product was shipped, no matter who found it. Our job is to ship a product that has value for the customer and works well.

That's the big picture.

Free Breakfast Tacos

I like coming into work early because traffic is minimal and there's fewer interruptions from coworkers. Most of the time I'll just pick up some breakfast on the way, but today was Free Breakfast Taco day at work. The company provides breakfast tacos the third Thursday of every month.

So I drove straight to work. I thought I could get in 1-2 hours of work before the tacos arrived at 8:30.

It was at 7:30 when I realized today was Wednesday. Tacos won't be here until tomorrow.

Anyone want to go to McDonalds?

Don Young: Cheerleading Competition Judge

When switching through the channels, you've probably seen a cheerleading competition or two. You may have wondered what kind of experience the judges have. Perhaps they used to be cheerleaders in their younger days, or maybe even a coach.

Or perhaps they were undercover.

Many, many years ago a friend of mine coached a cheerleading team. In their bracket was a team that consistently won the various competitions. And in those competitions they usually had the same set of judges, more or less. And one of those judges used to coach the team that consistently won. In that case, the judge is supposed to let the alternate judge take care of that bracket, but this judge wasn't doing that. So my friend wanted to make sure that everything was being judged fairly, and she needed an undercover judge to investigate.

And that judge was me.

I was never a cheerleader in high school or college, and I had no idea how to judge them. My friend brought over tapes of prior competitions and I took a crash course in what to look for. And we also decided on what my cheerleading experience would be when I was introduced at the competition. I also decided that the reason I no longer cheered was because of a knee injury, just in case anyone asked.

At the competition I was the alternate judge, which meant I tallied the other judges' scores and took them to the person running the competition. For that one bracket, the judge in question had been asked to let the alternate take his place, so I did. And truth be told, the team that kept consistently winning was doing so because they were actually better than all the other teams. We proved that the judge wasn't playing favorites.

As for me, my friend and the person running the competition thought I did such a good job that I was a judge at the competition the following year, too. After that, I retired.

That time Jessica Alba met me

A few years ago the movie Sin City was filmed in Austin. It was based on the graphic novels by Frank Miller and directed by Robert Rodriguez, and it starred Bruce Willis, Elijah Wood, Mickey Rourke, and many others. While the cast was in Austin, Bruce Willis' band gave a performance at Antone's with another band (whose name escapes me) opening. That band performed a second set with director Robert Rodriguez joining in.

I was able to attend because my friend's sister's husband's brother is Bruce's personal assistant. It's actually easier to understand if I say that my friend's brother-in-law has a brother who is Bruce's personal assistant, but I like the other way better. And yes, I'm calling Bruce by his first name because he and I have an understanding: I don't bother him when he's making movies, and he doesn't know who I am.

Anyway, the assistant got us four tickets and one VIP pass. My friend had been in the VIP section the previous time Bruce was in town and his band performed, so I was given the pass this time. I went upstairs where Bruce, Robert, Frank Miller, and others were sitting. I'm not someone who gets autographs or tries to take pictures of celebrities, so I sat down and had a nice conversation with the woman standing near me, who turned out to be Robert Rodriguez's wife (now his ex-wife).

Bruce's band started their set and other people sat down. I glanced to my side and noticed that I was now sitting next to Jessica Alba. I probably would have said hello, but she was trying to pay attention to the band. Plus, on the other side of her sat Woody Harrelson, and he was talking and talking. For those that don't know, Woody believes in the legalization of marijuana, and he was exercising his rights. I believe the term is "baked."

I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that no one gave me a second look that evening.

Learning to drive on the ice

In Texas we have pretty mild winters, at least compared to the rest of the country, so we don't have to drive in icy conditions very often. That's fortunate since most of us don't do it very well. However, I learned from an expert.

My dad grew up in a northern state and had quite a bit of experience driving in bad weather. One weekend when my incredibly handsome twin brother and I were sixteen, we had to go with our dad to pick up his truck from where our older brother had left it the night before. I was going to have to drive our mom's car back while dad drove his truck. It would be my first experience driving on an icy road.

On the way, Dad was offering advice and tips on how to drive in the ice, such as: accelerate slowly, tap the brakes when slowing down, don't be in a hurry, don't make any sudden movements with the steering wheel, etc. All of it was excellent advice.

If only Dad would have listened to it himself.

During the drive Dad reached for his beer that was sitting to his right. He reached with his left hand, jerking the steering wheel in the process. The car started swerving back and forth while Dad tried to regain control. The car spun around and ended up in the ditch on the side of the road.

After coming to a stop Dad said, "See, that's why you don't do that."

And it was fortunate that both Ron and I were there, since we had to push the car out of the ditch.

Don vs. Sprint

Several years ago I had cell phone service with Sprint. I was very happy with the cost and the features; however, there were two places where I didn't get service: the apartment in which I lived and the building in which I worked. To use my cell phone at work I would have to stand out on the balcony, and to use my cell phone at home I would have to stand outside. So I closed my account and changed to a different provider.

A few weeks later I got a prorated bill from Sprint for 51 cents. I had been with Sprint for a few years, and I thought that maybe they could have not worried about that final 51 cents. However, I also didn't want my credit to be impacted for such a small amount, so I sent them a check.

For 52 cents.

Simply because nothing would have made me happier than for Sprint to have to issue a credit or refund of one cent. I just would have thrown it away, chuckling to myself over my victory over "the man."

I guess they got the last laugh after all. They never refunded me the penny.

I just met the future version of me

This might surprise some of you, but I have been known to talk a lot, and it doesn't matter if I know you or not. Last week, I met the future version of me.

I was in the doctor's office for a routine checkup, and I was finally called into the back. My actual appointment didn't take long, and I rushed out of the office so that I could get back to work. Well, that was my intention.

In the waiting room an elderly gentleman was sitting by himself waiting for his appointment. No other patients were there. As I walked toward the door he asked me if only one doctor was working today. I answered, and he then continued talking for the next 15-20 minutes on a wide range of topics. I gathered he was just happy to have an audience so I stood there quietly and nodded occasionally.

Here are some of the topics that were brought up:

• On his first visit to this clinic the doctor stuck a needle THIS BIG (hands held 2 feet apart) up his butt.
• Seventy-five is a good age to die. After that, the body starts falling apart, and you spend most of your time in the doctor's office.
• He was 87.
• When Indians (Native Americans) turned forty, they went off into the woods to die. That seemed like a good idea to him.
• He voted for Obama because the other clique had their chance for 8 years.
• I should invest in silver.

All-in-all, it was an entertaining conversation, albeit a bit one-sided. I guess now I know what my friends go through. :)