The Art of Parking

park·ing - (slang) Kissing or caressing in a vehicle stopped in a secluded spot.

As a young man, I did my fair share of parking. I'd like to think it had something to do with my incredible personality and abundant charisma, but more than likely it was because I had a nice car (as shown in the picture). I did learn a couple of things in my experience. First, tinted windows are a necessity. And second, never park near a wild turkey pen.

One day during my youth a young lady and I went parking. There was a secluded dirt road outside of town that had very little traffic, so it seemed like the perfect spot. I parked the car under a tree on the side of the road to keep the car cool.

It was very quiet. The leaves were rustling in the wind and some birds chirped in the background. Romance was in the air. And then I heard the sound of a car door opening and slamming shut, which is never a good sound when you're parking.

I raised my head to look out the window, and I saw three police cars surrounding my car. One of the officers was walking toward my door, so I composed myself (as did the young lady) and rolled down my window.

At that point the officer was pretty sure what was going on, and he said, "Good afternoon, Tiger." And yes, he called me Tiger the entire time.

I asked, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"

Apparently, I had parked near a wild turkey pen. The owners of the pen had driven past my car and had not seen anyone inside (those darn tinted windows) and called the police. However, the officer told me, "It's obvious you're not here poaching turkeys, based on the way you're dressed and by the look of that little red-faced girl sitting next to you. Why don't you head on home, Tiger."

So I did, and you can bet this tiger never parked there again.